A year and some change

Are y'all still out there?!

I'm still here well I relocated here ---> http://jazramart.tumblr.com
So check me on there.

Life is seriously serious. I have tried the whole conformist thing but that is so not who I am. Over the past year from the jobs I had, the friends I gained, the friends I lost I am still trying to figure out who I am. What should I believe in, how should I look like. Should I lose 50lbs or should I stay the way I am? Do I feel comfortable carrying all this chunk around? Should I live free or should I live in hostage because that is what everyone is told to do.

Should I have a job that pays me $$$ or should I do what I am passionate about and be happy even if I end up living in a box? Should I look for love or let love look for me? Is it right to date this guy or that guy, quick what would my friends, family think about it?

Am I too emotional, should I change? Am I too careless, should I care? Am I too lazy, is that the reason why my dreams are so far reached? Do I think too much? Drink too much, eat too much, cry too much, care too much, stay alone in my room too much?

I'm an artist, should I look a certain way? Should I wear my hair like this, wear clothes like that, shop at thrift stores or urban outfitters because that's what all of the other hipsters do? Am I a blipster? Am I too much into the Black culture? Should I not be since I am Puerto Rican? I have Spainard, African, Taino in me so it's okay if I am, right?

Do I sound too proper? Do act too "white"? How come at age 23, I am not knocked up yet? Why does it feel like I don't belong? I've been doubting myself for way too long...

These are the constant questions that popped up in my mind. For the past year or so since my last blog I've been doing a lot of searching. Searching for my identity, trying to find where I fit in. I've been trying to find a manual that fits my description where I can read and figure out the who's, what's, where's, how's and why's of me. I realize... that doesn't exist! I exist, though and that's all I know. Why am I so scared to be me?

I applaud for those that can be themselves, really I aspire to be like that. I always wanted to be someone else, someone other than me. I have recently questioned myself, "why would I want to do that?" I am who I am, and I know I am constantly evolving. That in 5-10 yrs the things I like now might be the same things that I hate.

I am growing into myself, I'm glad I have great friends like JdotE, Aisha, Raydar, Esrick, Connie, Ivan and my parents to help me with this whole self-love, finding my own idenity thing I have going on.

Also! Thanks for the internet, the internet is a beautiful thing. I have came across some beautiful people who I can relate tenfolds, other great artists, creators, lovers. I have even made some friends off of the internet, sounds weird but its so dope how I can connect to all types of passionate people. I love it!

Here are some of the people who inspired me to be me

• My good friend Raydar Ellis:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Raydar-Ellis/119946801356616

• Fly Lady Di, dope multi-creator all around woman
  

http://flyladydi.blogspot.com/

• Maya Washington, an energetic photographer and I think she's an aspiring filmmaker (please correct me if I am wrong)
  

http://frugalartist.blogspot.com/

• Femi Martin, a brilliant writer oh man I love her fiction stories
  

http://www.thisdidnthappen.com/

• Durand Bernarr, insane vocalist, artist and intelligent young man.
  

http://www.youtube.com/user/alcoholharmony

• My close friend Ivan Sierra, another talented vocalist and a young man full of love

http://www.youtube.com/user/mario939

• Andre Wagner & Rog Walker, not only are they talented photographers but their passion project & identities project has inspired me to be on my way to be me, whatever that entails
  

http://abstractelements.com/

http://rogwalker.com/landing.html

• Amy Winehouse, jazz artist, full of soul, and totally doing what she only knows.. which is to sing. I discovered her at 19 and was blown away, not many 19 yr olds dig jazz. I didn't feel alone when I heard her music. Not to mention her music was therapeutic for me, college was ROUGH. rip baby girl
  

http://www.amywinehouse.com/


There are so many influences, inspiring artists, people, that this post would be much much longer than it already is.


So guys, please please wish me good luck. I have been delaying this step for so long due to my huge fear of failure. I am going to jump into this head first, for the last 3 years I've only been dabbling in with my pinky. How far can I go with using only 3 inches of me?


So here it comes, my heart and soul

http://jazramart.tumblr.com

inspired by author/journalist/writer/an all around dope woman Femi Martin... I was drawn to write short stories again

she had put all of her homework aside and decided to dedicate her Sunday watching full online episodes of Sex and the City. It took her a while to find uploaded videos of the seasons without having to download or purchase any. The quality was not great but she settled. She felt powerful that she was finally able to watch stories of love and life, and not get sent down to memory lane. Carrie Bradshaw in the show bumped into Big while on a date, she watched the episode evolve with great excitement as she munched on her malt chocolate whoppers. It was every girls dream to be on a date with a guy and bump into their ex, however she was aware that this scene, is a only a dream that girls fantasize about. Out of 100 failed relationships the liability of this ever happening is 3.

She enjoyed watching this episode of Carrie confronted by her ex, even though it was a rather emotional and sadistic episode, she found it comical. Until the moment she felt every word, ever sentiment Carrie Bradshaw felt when Big had said his friendly good bye with a touch on Carrie's arm. The camera's slow motion effects made her drop the malt ball on her bed and touch her chest. As she watched Carrie look at Big walking away, she felt her eyes squint and her mouth slightly open. She had stopped breathing, and watched Carrie closely so she wouldn't miss the protagonist's next move. The scene was viewed in a long shot and Carrie's narrative voice echoed "I'm still not over you".

The last quote from the episode replayed in her head as she looked down her chocolate stained shirt and repeated out loud, "I'm still not over you".

Amerie

I'm a bit obsessed.

So back in the day I was all over R&B and now I can't really get into it. However, Amerie brings me back, I don't know what it is but she does it for me.

I killed her first album, All I Have, her sophmore was ok, never heard her third and I am a bit excited for her upcoming release of her fourth album, In Love & War. I went on Amazon and review her 30 second sample tracks and so far I am digging it. It has the soul, funk that we all love from her hit single 1 Thing.

I don't know what it is yet, but as far as R&B goes, Amerie has always been on the list. I don't know why people constantly compare her to Beyoncé , or why does everyone compare any R&B artist to Beyoncé .

Who cares?


I dig this song, I know if any other artist performed this song I would hate it. But Amerie has gotten a hold on me... daaag.








(I was tryna resarch the photographer who shot her cover album and I couldn't get the source, anyone out there know who's the talented photog?)

mobile

I've been trying to shoot a photo a day, whether it is my dslr, analog, my phone's camera or even your phone's camera.

So I am totally obsess with my phone and its 2 megapixel image making skills.

I've been doing a lot of self portraits/portraits, but my fave ones are the blurry party pics.




































I think I might do a project on blurry party pics, probably have them all mesh together like a collage, hmmm (thoughts).

Muse

Grace Jones became Andy Warhol's muse during the 80s.
and I don't blame him.

I learned how to smash those bad habits

Thank you for that Dr. Ian Smith.

Chance Meeting

Duane Michals is such an inpsiration to me.
After viewing this project my mind had a seizure due to so many ideas that came about and so I went on and did a photo project similar to Duane Michal's Chance Meeting (above).This photo is part of a sequence. It's untilted and shot with 35mm printed on fiber paper. I scanned it with my ever so "lovely" scanner that made my black and white images, brown and white. gangsta